The FREE PRESS

CARACAS, Venezuela - - Dr Hermann Ziotrope the renowned proponent of singing handbags has invented talking shoes. Speaking several languages, the shoes carry a microchip and tiny but powerful speakers located in the heel section. The shoes are linked to the GPS network and are able to inform the wearer of just how many steps should be taken and in what direction to get to the intended destination. The first pairs were put on trial 3 months ago and initial feedback has been encouraging.
Dr Ziotropes offices (shown) have been inundated with enquiries from people who easily get lost “We decided to start the test in Caracas because the street layout of this city is notoriously complex and many people are often left stranded by the end of the day.” The 50 test wearers are all known to have problems with their sense of direction and the shoes have proved to be a big hit with most of them. “So far we’ve only lost 1 person but that was because they were crushed by a grocery truck that was overloaded with fruit.”
The test shoes have been specially designed but plans are for an insert unit that could effectively be injected into most pairs of existing shoes. Ramblers associations were initially thought to be likely enthusiast for the shoes but the feedback from that quarter has been surprisingly hostile. The few ramblers that have tested the shoes in England and Holland have been lulled by the soporiphic nature and mellifluous tones of the voice used by the shoe and some of them have fallen asleep mid-stride. Carol Abrahams from Middlesex fell asleep during a 4 mile hike in Cumbria, falling into a gorse bush where she was located some 8 hours later. Ironically it was the sound of the talking shoes that attracted the search party to her and made possible the rescue.

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